SPS University Hoodie – Dept. of Futility Edition
£39.99
Warmth for the cold, dead inside.
The official hoodie of SPS University, issued to alumni of despair and current students of the Department of Futility.
Featuring the Grim Reaper mascot and “Go Shrugs!” rally cry — because pretending to care is exhausting.
Features:
Heavyweight fleece blend (ideal for emotional hibernation)
Unisex fit
Printed SPS University crest on the front, full mascot graphic on the back
Kangaroo pocket for snacks, regrets, or your will to live
Adjustable hood for extra drama during existential crises
Perfect for wearing to Society meetings, rainy days of introspection, or while quietly giving up.
“School spirit? Never heard of it.”
Quantity
Fit Information (for all Society Merch):
All Self Preservation Society apparel is available in unisex fit — designed for every shape, size, and level of disappointment.
Soft fabrics, relaxed cuts, and plenty of room for existential dread.
Whether you’re a Lord of Shrugs, a Grand Overseer, or just another fed-up human, your Society gear will fit comfortably while you drink, moan, and repeat.
Note:
If in doubt, size up — apathy looks best when it’s a little loose.
Merch Info & Care
⚖️ Fit & Sizing
All Self Preservation Society merch is unisex fit — made to flatter everyone equally (which is to say: not much, but comfortably).
If you’re unsure, go one size up. Life’s too short for tight clothing and even tighter optimism.
🧼 Care Instructions
-
Machine wash cold — like your soul.
-
Turn inside out to preserve the misery.
-
Tumble dry low, or hang it up and forget about it entirely.
-
Do not iron directly over the Society emblem (it’s already under enough pressure).
-
Do not bleach. Hope has left the fabric.
📦 Shipping & Delivery
Our merch is carefully packed, posted, and sent out into the indifferent world.
Expect dispatch within a few business days — we move at the speed of mild enthusiasm.
🔁 Returns & Exchanges
If your item arrives defective, damaged, or haunted by existential dread (ours usually are), contact us.
We’ll make it right… eventually. Probably.
All other returns are handled on a case-by-case basis by the High Council of Shrugs. Decisions may involve coin tosses, sighs, or long silences.
💀 Official Endorsement
Every item is an officially sanctioned artifact of The Self Preservation Society, sealed (metaphorically, not literally) by the Sigillum Miserabile.
Wear it with pride. Or don’t. We’ll shrug either way.